conceived, choreographed and directed by MICHAEL BENNET
book by JAMES KIRKWOOD and NICHOLAS DANTE
music by MARVIN HAMLISCH
lyrics by EDWARD KLEBAN

FOLLOWS "Montage - Part 4 (Judy (cont.), Greg, Richie)"

VAL (speaks)
but after a while I caught on. I mean, I saw what they were hiring. I also swiped my dance card once after an audition . And on a scale of ten, they gave me, for dance: ten; for looks: three. Well!
(sings)
Dance: ten; looks: three.
And I'm still on unemployment,
dancing for my own enjoyment.
That ain't it, kid. That ain't it kid.
"Dance: ten; looks: three," it's like to die!
Left the theater and called the doctor for my appointment to buy
Tits and ass.
Bought myself a fancy pair.
Tightened up the derrière.
Ddi the nose with it.
All that goes with it.
Tits and ass!
Had the bingo-bongos done.
Suddenly I'm getting nash'nal tours!
Tits and ass won't get you jobs unless they're yours!
Didn't cost a fortune neither.
Didn't hurt my sex life, either.

Flat and sassy, I would get the strays and losers.
Beggars really can't be chosers.
That ain't it, kid. That ain't it, kid.
Fixed the chassis. "How do you do!"
Like turned into an endless medly of "Gee, it had to be you, "
Why
Tits and ass!
Where the cupboard once was bare,
Now you knock and someone's there.
You have got 'em, hey.
Top to bottom. Hey,
It's a gas! Just a dash of silicone.
Shake your new maracas and you're fine!
Tits and ass
Can change your life.
They sure changed mine!

(VAL walks up and down the line, chest out.)

VAL (speaks)
You're all looking at my tits now, aren't you

CONNIE (later)
I wouldn't mind having just one of yours.

VAL (speaks)
Well, go out and buy them.
(sings)
Have t all done.
Honey, take my word.
Grab a cab, c'mon. See the wizard on Park and Seventy-third
For
Tits and ass.
Orchestra and balcony,
What they want is what cha see.
Keep the best of you.
Do the rest of you.
Pits, or class.
I have never seen it fail.
Debutante or chorus girl or wife.
Tits and ass,
Yes,
Tits and ass
Have changed my li